A hundred years I could give to you
Issue 13 · folktale · folksong · French farce
Fiction
The Raven
Once upon a time, when he had grown tired of the rural doldrums, a raven came to town. The raven was named Glib-Wing-Grave, in the ternary manner that his kind so often favours. He possessed cold, white irises which stood in stark contrast to his uncommonly black plumage, and he was largely known, at least amongst ravens, for falling out of a tree in his youth.
On the day the Raven announced his departure for the city, the local Unkindness of ravens met to convince him otherwise. The city was no place for country ravens – it would cripple him, corrupt him or consume him whole. Normally, news of a departure would have barely ruffled the feathers of the Unkindness, but they had recently begun to focus on improving poor public opinion and they could ill afford to ignore such idiocy.
“Are you not frightened,” they asked. “Of the hanging vines which snare and shock the feathered folk? Nor fearful of the tall, limpid trees that halt our flight?”
“Nay,” said the raven. “For I shall be as wary as a mouse and as watchful as a hawk.”
“Ah,” said the Unkindness. “Do you not then fear the cunning fox that hunts the city streets and the terrible owl that stalks its skies.”
“Nay,” said the Raven. “For I shall be as swift as a deer, and as agile as a cat.”
“Oh,” said the Unkindness. “But how will you contend with the ravens that have flown before you? Those who have learnt guile and trickery by the false lights of the city. They who would take advantage of your inexperience; they who would see you fail?”
“I will be as brilliant as the midday sun, such that they cannot deny me,” said the Raven. “I will be as relentless as the river rapids, such that they cannot ignore me.”
At this the Unkindness was silent, for their words already fell on deaf ears. In truth, as valid as their fears were, they proved to be of no consequence. The Raven would fall prey to something far greater, and far more terrible. Something no Unkindness could have predicted. When the Raven arrived in the city, he fell madly in love.
Whether in city or forest, farm, field or dale, love is wonderful and cruel magic indeed. It is the fickle flame that gives and takes in its own measure. And long after it is gone, and other, newer fires have been lit, its embers remain to spark some tortured memory of that which was, and no longer is. But the Raven was yet to know these things. All he knew was that in the failing light of dusk, when magicks such as love are apt to take hold, he saw the woman.
And that was that.
The Raven could not say how or why he was so delighted by her step, her voice and her ways. Just that they brought him pleasure. His love was as yet too young to see faults and a small part of him hoped that this was because there was little fault to find. But even he knew that this was unlikely. Humans are flawed beings, such things are in their very nature. Still, a month passed … then two, and yet his love for the woman did not waver. He did not tire of shadowing her through the street by way of wing, branch or brickwork. Nor did he grow bored of standing sentry outside her workplace by day and sleeping in a tree beside her window by night. Not even the unrequited nature of his love appeared to concern the Raven. Had the woman – she the object of his distant affection, not been so distracted, she might have been concerned by this near-constant ominous presence. Perhaps even terrified. But she had met someone recently, a newcomer, and her observance of voyeuristic birds had suffered as a result.
At first the Raven barely noticed the newcomer. But as the days dripped into weeks and weeks into months, the woman’s routines began to change. And the Raven was not pleased by this. He found himself waiting outside restaurants and cafés by day and sleeping in an unfamiliar tree, far from an unfamiliar window, by night. The Raven now followed in the footsteps of two, with a heart that hung heavier and at a distance that seemed greater. He grew sullen and bitter and began to blame the newcomer – this charlatan, this trickster. Who was he to hold her in such fashion, and to look at her thus? Who was he to elicit such laughs and to cause her to smile so? The Raven’s heart darkened, becoming as black as his coat And he plotted and schemed against the newcomer.
He orchestrated a campaign to be fought by proxy so as not to sully his own claws and beak. A Chattering of mynas were talked into depositing their refuse on the newcomer’s car. The mynas were unfocused and easily distracted, but their numbers so great that after four days, the newcomer began travelling by bus. The Raven saw this and was pleased. A Company of cockatoos were then arranged to engage in a fierce debate outside the newcomer‘s apartment. But their racket attracted too much attention and they were eventually dispersed by a band of frustrated residents. And just as negotiations had commenced with a particularly violent Tiding of magpies, the Raven noticed something strange. The woman was beginning to draw away from the newcomer.
The Raven watched the newcomer plead with her in the park as she winced and shrugged. Then he saw the newcomer outside her apartment, drunken and dishevelled, then embarrassed and apologetic and bearing flowers. And then he no longer saw the newcomer at all. Things went back to normal and the woman returned to her old ways. The Raven was pleased.
One day, the woman saw the Raven peering into her window and smiled at him. His chest swelled as she moved across the room toward him. Here was his chance to confess, to speak the words he had wished to for months on end. His breath caught as he heard her speak a soft greeting. And as she opened the window all thoughts of Unkindness, doubt, fear and bitterness seemed to seep away. She looked at him almost expectantly and still she smiled.
The Raven opened his beak and cawed loudly.
Hot Stats!
A Baker’s Dozen
Metrics for Issue #12, as of the 9th of December, 2016.
Readership 87 | Atlanta Writing Offers zero | |
Opens 53 35 | Unique Clicks 10 |
Somewhat Obscure Song of the Week
Spring Wind
A Taiwanese Folk Song as played by virtuoso pianist Lang Lang
Lang Lang, to those unacquainted, is a Chinese concert pianist known for his highly technical and theatrical performances. He has performed with some of the most prestigious orchestras in the world, as well as, oddly enough, Metallic, PSY and Pharrell Williams. This weeks somewhat obscure song is Spring Wind, Lang Lang’s rendition of a Taiwanese Folk Song.
Composed by Teng Yu-hsien, considered the father of Taiwanese Folk Songs, and written by Lee Lin-chiu, the piece’s original title is Bāng Chhun-hong, which translates as ‘Longing for the Spring Breeze’. Originally released in 1933, in Japanese-ruled Taiwan, its lyrics tell of a young maiden longing for a young man. Lang Lang’s instrumental version, Spring Wind, sets the simple melody of Teng Yu-hsien's work against a rippling harmony. It is calming, beautiful and only two minutes long. Go on.
Television Review
A Very Secret Service
Of the excellent French comedy-drama streaming on Netflix
As part of the torrent of content Netflix appears to be issuing on a near-constant basis, the streaming service has recently been focused on broadening its exclusive international content. And while the quality of these new international offerings is extremely varied, there are some hidden gems. One of these is Au service de la France, a French comedy-drama created by Jean-François Halin and originally produced by the Franco-German Television network, ARTE. Or, as it is known in English: A Very Secret Service.
The year is 1960 and we are in Paris, where a 23-year-old André Merleaux is beginning his first day of work as a trainee agent of the French Secret Services. The phone on his desk rings. To everyone else’s surprise, Merleaux picks it up. And then he spends the rest of the day regretting this.
The show is a clever satire of both espionage and bureaucracy, with a healthy dose of absurdism. There are echoes of Mad Men, Yes Minister, Pink Panther and James Bond, the show’s creator, Halin, managing to tonally balance the dry, understated comedy of his dialogue, with moments of pure slapstick. A Very Secret Service follows the capable but naive André Merlaux as he navigates his traineeship under the watchful eye of the Director of Operations, Moïse, and with the questionable instruction of senior agents Moulinier, Jacquard and Calot. Together they will protect France in the midst of the Cold War, a nation whose colonies in Africa and Algeria, and whose women, are beginning to demand independence. They will do all this under the blinking lights of a doomsday world-map and the piercing gaze of overenthusiastic bureaucrats. And they will have it all done by the time the office shuts at 5pm.
What is most surprising about A Very Secret Service, is what it manages to achieve in a single season of twelve, 20 minute episodes. Unlike many television comedies, particularly workplace comedies, Halin’s show has a tight, consistent narrative, as well as a sweet, romantic subplot, which run throughout the series. The show’s humorous writing not only survives translation (a difficult enough task), but also serves as a sharp commentary on a country struggling with war, racism, sexism and colonialism. For all its absurd characters, goofy slapstick and social satire, A Very Secret Service actually managed to teach me a little bit about French history.
The first season of A Very Secret Service is available to stream on Netflix. The first episode of the series can be confusing (mirroring the general confusion of its protagonist) so I would advise watching at least two episodes before you decide that your aversion to joy is too difficult to overcome.
Outro
In the next Issue
- The Prolix Post continues to struggle with meeting its schedule
- Errant Labs finally becomes the No. 1 search result on Google, after weeks of dominating Bing and DuckDuckGo search results. I don’t mean to imply that many people are actually searching for it, but rather, that I was successful in choosing a relatively uncommon combination of words and that said combination is now paying dividends.
- 2017 is unexpectedly declared the year of the webzine and early adopters are handsomely rewarded for their foresight.
- I live in hope.
- Life goes on.
You're welcome,
Nikhil
Parabolic Postmaster General

Nikhil Mathew is a Sydney-based writer and the creator of the Prolix zine. He first published this on 10 Dec 2016.